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I feel frazzled. I can hear all the stories swirling around in my head but I'm having difficulty harnessing them enough to transfer onto you, My Little Pet Blog.

I cannot find a beginning in all of this. Yeah, I did my little bullet points and all that. So what.

Let's be honest here, I am afraid. I fear that almost 2 years of heavy prescription narcotics have blocked my creativity into a cage, a cage wrapped with razor wire. My memory is fried. Ah man...I just don't know how to breach the cage. The wire cutters and lock pick set are just out of my reach. It's like a nightmare vision of my life, a part of me is trapped in that cage with my memories, only I can't grasp them.

Words used to come so easily to me. Flowing through my mind, out my fingers and onto the keyboard like a rushing river. I never even had to stop and think, the stories told themselves. Even in my daily life now, I struggle to find the right words for things, I stutter sometimes when trying to express myself. There is such a sense of shame in that for me.

I've spent too much time living in my own mind. When I am not at work, I spend all my time alone, in my head. It's safer in there, I think. Only somewhere along the line, it became that razor wire wrapped cage. It's a strange juxtaposition. I love my inner world, it's so beautiful in there....why does it have to be a Gilded Cage? My Little Pet Blog should just be an extension of my inner world....a tiny rabbit hole bringing a glimpse of the inner me out into reality, sort of. Right? Even now, as I write this, there are so many pictures in my head that I am desperately trying to paint with words but I'm failing miserably.

I just can't seem to find my way through the rabbit hole.