A Milestone....

On the eve of the one year mark since I stopped my regular posting, I'm here to tell you of a major milestone reached by Moi. Me. Myself & I.

Yesterday I tended bar. Why is that a big deal, you ask? It's a big deal because the Friday day shift is the 2nd busiest shift of the week for our establishment. Eight hours of non-stop drink slinging at record speeds with thousands of dollars passing through the bartenders constantly wet and moving hands. (Whoa, that sounded dirty). This shift has been my own personal Holy Grail. I never thought I'd be able to do it again. Ever. Before my back took me out of commission in April, 2007, I worked this busy Friday shift every fucking week. And yesterday I did it. I fucking did it and had a blast.

That is, until the day shift manager didn't look where he was going and accidentally kicked me directly in my lower back as I was crouched down getting a bottle of water from the cooler. Holy shit that hurt. Of course, he was absolutely horrified and began to rub my back and pushed directly on the spot that instantly woke up my Sciatic Nerve. Good times, people. Good times.

"Fucking stop!! You're making it worse!!", I yelled at him, as the pain shot down my right leg. I know he felt bad, but at that moment, his feelings were not at the top of my priority list. I wanted to fucking punch him and if I wasn't in so much pain, I probably would have. "I'm going outside.", I told him and he bowed his head in shame and said okay. I hobbled out from behind the bar and went out the back door of the building, all the way holding back tears. Tears not so much from the pain, but from frustration that it was happening all over again. I live in fear on a daily basis that one little thing is going to throw me right back in bed, unable to function on even a basic level. Right back to where I was last year at this time. I sat down on one of the plastic chairs we have right outside the door, the smokers area, lit a cigarette and had a conversation with myself.

"Mind over matter, KiKi. Mind over fucking matter. You are fine, there is no pain anywhere in your body. You can do this, you can get through the rest of this shift.", I told myself, all the while, my eyes were closed and I was visualizing my babies. I mentally transported myself home and looked into the eyes of my 3 little girls and they gave me strength. They gave me the strength to flick my smoke, get up from the cheap plastic chair and go back inside to finish the 2 hours remaining on my shift. And finish I did. Hells yeah.

By the time I was on my way home 2 1/2 hours later, I was flying on the highest of highs, in spite of the stabbing pain in my back. I fucking did it. I know that being able to work a shift at work may not be a big deal to some of you, but to me this was huge. A major fucking milestone, people.

I'm sore today. My back hurts and my shoulders hurt but I flew through my Manager shift today, knowing that I am so close to getting my life back. Because you see, this Friday-Holy Grail-Shift made up almost 2/3 of my income. Yes, 2/3 of my income. I've been in a financial downward spiral for almost 2 years. My savings long gone to massive medical bills and my income 1/3 of what it was when I bought my house, my car, established my life, post divorce. The thought that I will finally get back on my feet financially makes me giddy inside. I live on Ramen Noodles and Peanut Butter sandwiches, for fuck's sake. Yes, it's that bad.

So, yesterday was A. Major. Fucking. Milestone. Day.

Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!