An Empath in Crisis

My defenses are not functioning properly. I cannot find my internal switch to slide my blocking into place. My blocking keeps me safe from the energies of those around me.

I've touched slightly on the fact that I am an Empath. I can feel what you feel. I can read the energies that others put out either consciously, or in most cases, sub-consciously. Now don't get me wrong, I can't read minds. I might know what you're going to say before you say it, but that happens in the instant before your words are spoken. I know without knowing, if that makes any sense, what's going to happen before it happens. On occasion. Not all the time. It's difficult to surprise me. It was always so disappointing as a kid, to know what was going to happen on my birthday or Christmas ahead of time. I didn't get to experience the giddy child-like highs that most kids did. I just always knew that that was that way things were for me.

When I am unable to block and am around someone who is having difficulty in their life or someone who has chaotic or negative energy, I get dizzy and nauseous. Sometimes to the point where I have to put my head down between my knees and then when I'm able to walk, I go immediately to take something for the nausea.

This was in full effect last night at work. I was a fucking mess. A hot fucking mess.

Cheri came to see me. Cheri, that I love and adore beyond words. Cheri, that will be an important part of my life for the rest of my days on earth and on the other side when that time comes. Cheri is having much of the same problems that I am currently having. She's lost too. We are both so tired all the way down into our souls. Cheri has an amazing gift....or shall I say "gifts". She is in tune with parts of her brain that the rest of us can only try to imagine. Cheri is psychic and merely on the cusp of learning how to harness it and trying like hell to learn how to turn it off when it becomes too much for her. She is also lost, as I stated earlier, like me.

Cheri and I were sitting together at the bar on the smoking patio and I was listening to her speak about how she's been feeling. It didn't take long for the dizziness, nausea and buzzing on the top of my head to begin. I stayed quiet about it for a while, until she had stopped speaking of the worst of it, then I told her how I was feeling. She felt terrible about it and that wasn't my intention at all. I know I can tell her stuff like that and she won't look at me like I belong in the loony bin. After a few minutes, the dizziness and nausea went away and I told her so. "I changed my energy", she said with a sly grin. God, I love this woman. Haha.

So, we sat chatting about other, lighter subjects, until Juelz, an Entertainer interrupted us. Juelz immediately began regaling her story of illness that landed her in the hospital. (It turned out to be a dangerous tubal pregnancy requiring emergency surgery). As Juelz is telling her story, in her unique way of speaking, I was overcome with such extreme dizziness that I seriously thought I was going to pass out. I had to put my head down a bit, rubbing the bridge of my nose as I did so. Cheri remained mostly quiet during Julez' ramblings but I could see that that she was observing my extreme physical reaction. As subtly as I could, I encouraged Juelz to move on and sit with someone else. In my head though, I was screaming "Go away!!". After a few minutes, she did indeed go away, thank goodness.

"Boy, you really are sensitive tonight. ", Cheri said. "Yeah, it sucks. I can't bring up my walls of defense at all lately.", I told her. "You'll get them back", she said, and I wholeheartedly believe her. When Cheri says something, it's wise to listen. That's something I've learned and love about her.

After a few minutes, I began to feel "normal" again and Cheri and I were able to continue our conversation until she left a short time later.

Later on in the shift, I had an interesting conversation with Keri. Another woman I love beyond words and know will be with me forever. Keri recently had a life altering experience with a seer in Sedona, that has her on an amazing spiritual journey. Keri also posses "gifts". People from the other side....or who knows where......speak to her. Until her session in Sedona, she thought she was crazy. Schizophrenic, even. She was terrified that she was losing her mind, hearing "voices". The seer told her that she can control when she hears them and she proved that to herself yesterday when she was home alone with her young son. The "voices" began to ramble, like a cacophony in her head and she said out loud "I'm not ready to hear you right now, but I will let you know when the time is right." The voices stopped. She was giddy with amazement. A while later, as her son was watching television, the t.v. and cable box shut off behind her, so she said "Okay, I'm ready now, but please leave the television alone because that's the only thing keeping my son occupied at the moment." As soon as she said this, she heard a voice clear as day, say "I love you." How fucking cool is that??

I'm not really sure where I'm going with all of this, other than to make the observation that these 2 women are in my life for a reason, and I theirs. We are all on similar paths, and in the infancy of our spiritual/metaphysical journeys together. Cheri and I may be lost at the moment, but I feel that Keri is our beacon of light in the darkness.

I haven't spoken of the dream that Cheri and I share, but suffice to say, it is along the lines of that which I've written about tonight. The both of us have no doubt whatsoever that this dream will come to fruition. All in due time.

Today and tomorrow are my days off and I will be spending them alone with my 3 furry girls. It's out of necessity for my own well being right now. I have too much going on in my own head and with my defenses being down, I don't want to risk going out in public where I'll be assaulted by chaotic energies. I'll be engaging in much meditation, trying to build my defenses back up.

Time to close my laptop, Shadybear is rawr-ing at me, making her demands for my undivided attention.

Until next time; Blessed Be.