Crazy Strippers and Crossing the Line

I had mixed feelings about going back to work this past Sunday. I really wanted to be there, I felt so disconnected and I really missed my dysfunctional family, however I was apprehensive about how I was going to be able to do my job in the condition I am in. Instead of working my typical 16 hour day, CeeCee worked the first 6 hours for me so I didn't need to be there until about 6:30pm.

My shift started out normal, everything was going smoothly in spite of the fact that business was a little slower than usual. Strangely enough, it's the slower shifts that have the weirdest shit happening. When it's busy, everyone is more focused and in a much better state of mind because money is flowing and you know what they say about idle hands. Well, I don't either exactly, but it sounded good. Moving on.

Our regular customer Terry was there that night, so we all knew that at least 1 girl was gonna make a crapload of money. Terry is a young guy, probably mid to late 20's and he is filthy rich. Family money, apparently Daddy owns a good portion of real estate in California and neighboring states. He does some other stuff too but for the life of me, I can't remember and I honestly don't care. When Terry comes in, which is almost every night, he flexes his credit card muscle causing all the girls, including the waitresses and bartender, to go into a tizzy fighting over him. On a typical night he will buy 1-2 small bottles of Jack Daniels, at $175 a pop and buy at least 1 girl off rotation for as many as 3 hours.

Buying a girl off rotation means that he is paying the Entertainer $300 per hour just to hang out and drink with him. During this time, the Entertainer does not do stages and is dressed in a gown instead of her normal costume. Normally there is a "Buy Off" fee that goes to the house but when a customer buys champagne or bottle service, that Buy Off fee is waived.

So, Terry is sitting at the bar, downing shots of Jack when he tells Keri* that he wants to buy "Mariah" off for 2 hours. This is great news, as "Mariah" is a single mother just trying to get back on her feet after a particularly bad break-up. Since Terry is not buying a bottle he will be charged $120, the fee going to the house for "Mariah's" time. Since he's paying with his well used credit card, "Mariah's" $300 per hour will be paid in Chips, through the house.

Chips are these nifty little poker chips that come in $5 increments and we charge $4 per every $25, that the Entertainers can exchange at the bar for cash. It's a great way for guys to buy dances and buy-offs without us having to do a cash advance on the card. Cash advances in a strip club is tricky territory, as many guys experience buyer's remorse the next day when they see the thousands of dollars they charged to their card and have nothing to show for it. I'm usually the one who handles the calls from the guys screaming "charge back" on the phone. Our Chips by-pass that, in that the customer is buying an actual product along with giving us his signature and thumbprint at the time of purchase.

That being said, I went to the safe in the office to pull $600 in Chips for "Mariah's" 2 hours with Terry. The Entertainer does not get paid until her time with the customer is completed, so I stashed the Chips behind the bar with Keri* and went back out onto the floor to make sure everything was going as it should.

I was hobbling around the club, answering a bajillion questions about where I've been for the past 2 weeks and why was I using a cane. Now, I don't mind the questions, because I know the people asking truly cared about what was going on with me, but I should have just held a damn press conference to get it all over with in one shot.

Anyway, I thought all was well with "Mariah" and Terry and figured I hadn't seen them because they were probably tucked away in the Champagne Room, hanging out. Not the case. My bouncer Jack* came to me and said that Terry had just text messaged the DJ to let him know they were going to do a 3rd hour. Text messaged my DJ? Text messaged him from where? WTF?

Apparently "Mariah" and Terry had slipped out of the building shortly after the initial transaction, almost 2 hours ago. My cashier saw them leave together but she's new enough in her position that she didn't think to let me know that one of my Entertainers had just left with a customer. I've ranted in a previous post about the ramifications of this, but suffice to say, "Mariah" had just entered the realm of possible prostitution and I was pissed. This is the actual text message I shot out to "Mariah" as soon as I found out she was gone;

"I'm not sure what you were thinking, honey, but you do not get paid in Chips for time spent outside this club. What you do on your own time is your business but tonight you were on my time. The Service Fee's and Chips have been voided and Terry's card will not be charged for any of your time. I suggest you get your ass back in this building right now, or don't bother ever coming back."

I was heated. I went behind the bar, voided all of the charges and took the Chips back to the safe. About 10 minutes later, in walks Terry and "Mariah", claiming they were in the parking lot "talking" the entire time. Yeah, okay, I forgot, I was born yesterday after all. I could not believe how unbelievably stupid she was. Wait, yes I could. I did not want to fire her, as we have an extremely big weekend coming up, so I told her she needed to speak with Greg*, our GM, before working again. I was not going to stand there and argue the point with her on how idiotic her actions were. This girl just threw away $900. Poof, it's gone. Terry would have been content to stay in the building and pay her to hang out with him, he's done it dozens of times with other girls. I don't blame him at all. The guys that come in are going to try to get away with as much as they possibly can, that's a fact, but I expect my girls to draw the line, because they know better. "Mariah" crossed the line and she knew it. I honestly don't know if she will still have her job at the end of the week but that's not my problem. As this conversation with her ended, I suddenly had bigger fish to fry, as one of my off-duty Entertainers began to pick a fight with a female customer sitting at the bar.

I was standing near the end of the bar, by the walk-way leading to our Lobby, when I noticed "Kim" shouting at a young woman sitting with an older gentleman at the bar. I could see that whatever the beef, it was rapidly escalating, so I told Jack*, my bouncer, to get Kim* out. It seemed that she was going to leave peacefully enough, however when she got up from her stool, she reached over and smacked the woman in the back of her head. This is when all hell broke loose.

The female customer jumped off her stool and went after "Kim". Jack went after "Kim" as Rick*, my other bouncer went to restrain the female customer. Rick was able to get her back to her stool without incident and she stayed there while "Kim" had suddenly transformed into a wild animal. She was kicking and punching Jack, screaming incoherently, while he was trying his best to restrain her in a bear hug from behind. She was backing up and punching like a dude! She even got a few licks in on a guy who was just trying to walk past them. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. Okay, maybe not the weirdest, but it was up there in KiKi's Wierdo Hall of Fame.

At one point, down they went to the floor, with Jack on top of her and I thought her head was going to crack wide open from the force of her noggin hitting the hard tile floor. As he got her back up, Rick grabbed her legs and they carried her out the door, kicking and screaming like a banshee the entire way. Once they got her outside, I told Jack to get back inside, as her violent outburst seemed to be directed primarily at him. Not the case. She then began kicking and punching Rick in the same dude-like fashion she had gone after Jack.

Of course by this time everyone was up in arms about the whole thing, worried that I had gotten injured in the melee, as I was right there, smack dab in the middle of it. I was on a cane, dammit, I could not get away with any speed whatsoever. I was not injured, thankfully and believe it or not, my crazy violent stripper "Heather" from a previous post, was trying to diffuse the whole thing. She ran outside once she determined that I was alright and tried to calm "Kim" down. It was not working out so well for her.

I made the decision that I had no choice but to call 911, as I was terrified "Kim" was going to seriously hurt herself or someone else. My cashier still had 911 dispatch on the phone, when another of my Entertainers came in to tell me that "Heather" had thrown "Kim" in her car and had taken off. Thank God. I did not want to see "Kim" go to jail even though she had clearly lost her damn mind. I was also thankful that no one had been seriously injured. My bouncer's vests were torn and their ego's bruised but other than that, they were A-OK.

The weirdness was saving itself up for me. "KiKi's Wild and Wacky Weekends" are back in full force.

Good News

My poor Little Pet Blog, I have neglected you so.

I've written previous entries describing the hell I have been going through with chronic back pain. It's been an ongoing battle for too many years to count, but I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel. I hope. On January 15th, I had a Provacative Discogram, a test to determine the next course of action to be taken to finally rid me of this monkey on my back called pain.
You can read all about it in this post;

http://www.kikiscircus.com/2007/12/pain-pain-more-pain.html

So, January 15th rolls around and I am nervous as all hell. I know I am going to be mildly sedated, but still, the thought of big needles going directly into my spine scares the shit out of me. I go into this big sterile room and I'm told to lay face down on the table. The anesthesiologist is chatting with me, trying to get me to relax and he's a pretty cool guy, so my nervousness comes down a notch or two as I lay there waiting for him to put together the cocktail that he's going to shoot into the waiting I.V. in my arm.

Mr. Drug Man: "Okay, this is going to burn a little."

Me: "Holy shit, that burns.......heeeeyyyyyy, I don't feel so nervous anymore."

And that's the last thing I remember. Apparently, one of the side effects of that amazing little cocktail is memory loss. I am totally okay with that even though it is a little creepy. My next memory is of the Doctor waking me up in the recovery room, asking me if I want to see some pictures. He showed me the fluoroscope pictures that were taken during the procedure and it was really wild to see a picture of my spine with 3 needles sticking right in there. He told me I have an annular tear in my L4-L5 disc, and sure enough, I could see the blue dye just flowing right through it.

I don't remember much of the rest of the day. Immediately following the procedure, I had a CAT Scan so they could get a clearer picture of whether there were cracks in my discs in addition to the bulging and the tear. My Dad drove me back to my house and helped me to bed. The pain was immense, but that was to be expected, considering what I had just been through. I anticipated a couple of days rest before I could get back on my feet.

A couple of days turned into almost 2 weeks. The pain was not letting up and I was getting scared. I called my Doc the following Monday and he said to come in immediately for an evaluation. After speaking with me about the level of my pain, slight fever, weakness and just generally feeling like shit, he ordered an MRI to rule out the possibility of Discitis. Discitis is an infection in the disc space, painful for sure and possibly fatal. Fan-fucking-tastic.

I did get some amazing news along with the possibility of devastating news, though. The CAT Scan showed no cracks in my discs. Yippeee!! That means no IDET Therapy, which I described in the above mentioned previous post. I will be getting the Stryker Dekompressor instead. Instead of going into a long drawn out description of this, you can watch a nifty little video about it here;

http://www.webmd.com/video/spine-dekompressor

Two days later I had the MRI, 25 minutes of pure pain on a hard surface, not being able to move whatsoever. Then more waiting until today to find out the results.

No infection!! More yippeeeeeees!! The MRI showed that as a result of the needles or dye, my L5-S1 disc moved 2mm and is now pushing firmly on my nerve root. So, even though the pain is immense and will probably continue to be immense until after the Stryker Dekompressor, it's not gonna kill me. Whew. I'll need to wear a back brace indefinitely though, as using my cane to get around is just making everything worse. It's a rockin' pink cane, but I fucking hate it.

Me, rockin' my pink cane at our "Pimp & Ho Party", May 2007

So, there you have it. The reason why I've been neglecting you, my sweet Little Pet Blog. Sitting hurts and my brain is fried from the pain meds that have been increased the past 2 weeks. I know my writing is suffering as a result of the drugs and for that, I apologize.

I went back to work this past Sunday and boy, oh boy was it wacky. All the weirdness was saving itself up for my return. I've already been sitting for longer than I can handle, so the stories will just have to wait until tomorrow. I'll give you a teaser though, the title is going to be "Crazy Strippers and Crossing the Line." Stay tuned for Strip Club Insanity. Word.

Saving Geezer Pervs

As of 10:30 this evening, I am now certified in CPR by The American Heart Association. What does this mean, you ask? It means that I will now be able to assist geezer and not-so-geezer patrons of our establishment who may have over-indulged to the point of cardiac arrest, stroke, diabetic shock, alcohol poisoning, choking, injury or drug overdose.

I shudder at the thought of having to give some old smelly perv mouth to mouth or trying to resuscitate a stripper who has popped one too many pills. I will surely do it, though. Yes, yes I will.

That's all I've got for now, as I'm still shuddering.

Boredom, Whining and Potatoes

Last night was brutal. It was just one of those slow nights that seems to go on forever. When there's a major sporting event on television, most times the last place guys go to watch it is the strip club. Sure, we've got 8 huge plasma televisions all around the club, but the sound is muted because of the music blaring from the sound system. So, needless to say, last night's bowl game hurt business. We usually get a nice rush of customers once a game has ended, but not so last night.

My waitresses were occupying themselves by drawing on each other's boobs with highlighter pens, my DJ was drinking excessively out of boredom and one by one, my Entertainers were coming to me, asking to go home because they weren't making any money.

Now this last thing about Entertainers wanting to leave always puzzles me. They want to leave before the end of their shift because they haven't made much money, but logically, wouldn't they want to stay longer to make up for it? It makes no sense to me. If I wasn't making enough, I would stay and hustle until I made the amount I wanted. Then again, many Entertainers are a completely different breed of human being, lacking completely in logical thought patterns.

I didn't let any of them leave early. Sometimes I can be a real hard-ass.

In between Entertainers whining to me about wanting to leave, another Entertainer came to me with a question/complaint. I was sitting in my office, taking a break from The Vampires, when Leloni, a relatively new hire, came back and said she wanted to speak with me. I figured that she was jumping on the bandwagon and was going to try her hand at getting permission to go home. Ah, but no, that's not why she wanted to talk to me. She sat down in a chair across my desk and asked, "Some of the girls in the dressing room said you will fire me if I don't take my top off onstage. Is this true?"

"Yup, the girls told you the truth. I will fire you if you refuse to take your top off during your set onstage." I replied.

"Why?" she asked. Ugh. One of the things CeCe and I joke about is the inability of young people to just accept what you have to say without asking 'why?' Our inside joke to each other is "Just say okay!" When you are at work and your boss tells you to do something, do you ask why? No, and neither do I. When my boss tells me he wants me to something a certain way, or whatever, I say "you got it, Boss!" It's a pretty simple concept that some people just cannot grasp.

Anyway, back to Leloni; "This is a topless club, honey. Guys come here to see girls on stage take their tops off. It's kinda how the whole thing works." I told her.

"But what if no one is tipping me?" she whined.

"It doesn't matter. Even if there is only one old guy, alone in the club, sitting at the bar sipping a beer and not tipping anyone, you will still take your top off. This is non-negotiable." I replied.

"But at the club I used to work at, when guys were throwing money at me onstage and all they wanted me to do is shake my booty and didn't care if I took my top off at all, the management said it was okay. That I could keep it on." she said.

"Then maybe you should go back to the other club instead of working here." I informed her. Leloni didn't like my answer very much, she got up, mumbled something to herself and walked out of my office. I didn't hear another peep out of her for the rest of the shift and she dutifully removed her top every time she went onstage.

I have a couple more stories from my long weekend but I've suddenly run out of steam. My body is aching and I can feel my mind slowly shutting down into hibernation mode. I had been looking forward to a relatively relaxing week but that won't be happening. I am working tomorrow night and Thursday night all of us managers will be taking a class to get certified in CPR. I feel like I could sleep for days but it will just have to wait till next week.

I'm sorry to cut my time with you short, Little Pet Blog, but my couch is calling for me to make potatoes.

An Open Letter To My New Scale.....

Why, oh why, do you hate me so? I saw you, sitting alone, forlorn on the shelf at the store and I felt your loneliness and pain calling out to me. All you wanted was a warm, loving home and I could feel your longing. I gently lifted you from your prison on the shelf and lovingly placed you in my cart. I whispered to you that now you were going to be safe and not to worry, you won't be stomped on by the morbidly obese. I could feel your shame that I had to pay for you, like a slave, but I reassured you that money was of no concern, you would finally be safe.

When we got home, to your new home, I slowly slid you out from your confining box and stroked your head, whispering to you that everything was going to be okay now, you are finally home.

So, please, please tell me why you insist on telling me that I weigh FIVE POUNDS MORE than my old broken down scale used to tell me?? I've been so good to you. I rescued you. I gave you a safe, loving home. I LOVED you. You've betrayed me. How will we ever get past this?

A Year of Changes

I'm thinking 2008 is going to be a year of changes for me. I've written in previous posts about my difficulty in making new friends but that seems to be changing already. I've always been a bit of a loner, even as a kid, but just in the last few weeks I've already started to open up and let people into my life.

It started with Cheri. I think by opening up to her, I've also opened something in my heart and soul. It feels good. It's about damn time something in my life feels good. I'm still cautious, as old habits die hard, but little bits of communication here and there are filling a need that I didn't even know I had. You can teach an old dog new tricks, after all!

I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy right now, partly because two of my new friends just had a baby girl tonight. I feel so special to have been involved in getting up to the minute postings about their beautiful experience.

Switching Topics

I'm still recovering from my 2 doubles this week. It takes so much longer for me to bounce back these days and I keep telling myself that it's because of my current health issues and not my age. One of the reasons it's so hard on me is in addition to all my other crap going on, I also have Fibromyalgia Syndrome. I was diagnosed with that in 1996. I won't go into all the ugly little details but suffice to say, it's no fun. If you are curious, Google it, but I guarantee it's not going to be a light read. It was weird, the first day I had the Google AdSense on my Blog, one of the ads was for Fibromyalgia.

We had our regular Thursday night Manager Meeting this evening and one of the things we discussed was the upcoming Restaurant & Bar Convention in Las Vegas, which is at the end of February. We go every year and it's a ton of fun. However, I don't know it I'll be able to go this time. CeCe offered to get me a wheelchair/scooter thingy because I can't walk for long stretches at a time, bless her heart. I can just see me zooming down the Vegas Strip with CeCe riding shotgun on the back! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!! The main thing I'm concerned about is the possibility of an upcoming surgery on my back. I'll find out more about that when I go for my Provacative Discogram on the 15th of this month. I'd hate to miss the trip, but gladly will if it means a step in the right direction in my battle against chronic pain.

2008 is going to be a year of changes for me. I am going to re-claim my life and be rid of this pain. That is my mission, I'm focused and ready.

YAY for Honey!

I know I already posted my short little post for the day but I'm posting again in honor of my very first posted comment! I'm a dork, this I know but this is a very exciting day for me. Everyday, when I go to my Blogger Dashboard, I see no special little messages waiting for me. Don't get me wrong, I've recieved very thoughtful feedback from Mr. You Know Who You Are That I Thanked In A Previous Post, but now I feel all official-n-stuff.

I got to click on the little link that said "1 Comment" and lo and behold, the pop-up came up and there was my very own special little message;

"honey. said...
Yes sweetie get your rest I'd be tired from working those long shifts. I'm always up to new friendships give her a try! I'm sure it will be something beautiful =) oh i'm exotic on twitter i'm about to follow you!
January 2, 2008 8:29 PM"

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! =)

Short-n-Sweet

As I am still recovering from working two doubles this week, this post will most likely be a short one. Yesterday wasn't nearly as crazy-busy as Sunday and the time just dragged on and on. It felt like the day was never going to end. I hate feeling like that at work. I love my job but on days like yesterday, all I want to do is go home and curl up on the couch with my 3 girls.

I had a very interesting and enlightening conversation with one of my bartenders last night, that has left me in a very contemplative mood today. Cheri* is a beautiful young woman that just came to work for us a few months ago. As I said in a previous post, I am very difficult to get to know, so it's taken a while for Cheri and I to get to the point where we start sharing bits and pieces of ourselves with each other. Little by little, over the past several weeks, I've learned about who she is and where she has been. We are a lot alike, she and I and the weird thing is, we look alike and dress alike, too. She's young enough to be my daughter, had I been a teenage mother.

Cheri has had a difficult life. Even though I maintain anonymity to a point, I won't share her story, out of respect for her. But suffice to say, she is wise beyond her years for the experiences she's had.

I am cautiously excited at the prospect of developing a lasting friendship with Cheri. We have many common interests and experiences and I think this could be the start of something really beautiful. I don't make friends easily, especially with women. That's just me and try as I might, throughout my life, I haven't been able to change that. I have learned to just accept it.

That's pretty much all I've got today. Just a peek into a small portion of my day will just have to do because my couch is calling for me to make potatoes.