Crazy Strippers and Crossing the Line

I had mixed feelings about going back to work this past Sunday. I really wanted to be there, I felt so disconnected and I really missed my dysfunctional family, however I was apprehensive about how I was going to be able to do my job in the condition I am in. Instead of working my typical 16 hour day, CeeCee worked the first 6 hours for me so I didn't need to be there until about 6:30pm.

My shift started out normal, everything was going smoothly in spite of the fact that business was a little slower than usual. Strangely enough, it's the slower shifts that have the weirdest shit happening. When it's busy, everyone is more focused and in a much better state of mind because money is flowing and you know what they say about idle hands. Well, I don't either exactly, but it sounded good. Moving on.

Our regular customer Terry was there that night, so we all knew that at least 1 girl was gonna make a crapload of money. Terry is a young guy, probably mid to late 20's and he is filthy rich. Family money, apparently Daddy owns a good portion of real estate in California and neighboring states. He does some other stuff too but for the life of me, I can't remember and I honestly don't care. When Terry comes in, which is almost every night, he flexes his credit card muscle causing all the girls, including the waitresses and bartender, to go into a tizzy fighting over him. On a typical night he will buy 1-2 small bottles of Jack Daniels, at $175 a pop and buy at least 1 girl off rotation for as many as 3 hours.

Buying a girl off rotation means that he is paying the Entertainer $300 per hour just to hang out and drink with him. During this time, the Entertainer does not do stages and is dressed in a gown instead of her normal costume. Normally there is a "Buy Off" fee that goes to the house but when a customer buys champagne or bottle service, that Buy Off fee is waived.

So, Terry is sitting at the bar, downing shots of Jack when he tells Keri* that he wants to buy "Mariah" off for 2 hours. This is great news, as "Mariah" is a single mother just trying to get back on her feet after a particularly bad break-up. Since Terry is not buying a bottle he will be charged $120, the fee going to the house for "Mariah's" time. Since he's paying with his well used credit card, "Mariah's" $300 per hour will be paid in Chips, through the house.

Chips are these nifty little poker chips that come in $5 increments and we charge $4 per every $25, that the Entertainers can exchange at the bar for cash. It's a great way for guys to buy dances and buy-offs without us having to do a cash advance on the card. Cash advances in a strip club is tricky territory, as many guys experience buyer's remorse the next day when they see the thousands of dollars they charged to their card and have nothing to show for it. I'm usually the one who handles the calls from the guys screaming "charge back" on the phone. Our Chips by-pass that, in that the customer is buying an actual product along with giving us his signature and thumbprint at the time of purchase.

That being said, I went to the safe in the office to pull $600 in Chips for "Mariah's" 2 hours with Terry. The Entertainer does not get paid until her time with the customer is completed, so I stashed the Chips behind the bar with Keri* and went back out onto the floor to make sure everything was going as it should.

I was hobbling around the club, answering a bajillion questions about where I've been for the past 2 weeks and why was I using a cane. Now, I don't mind the questions, because I know the people asking truly cared about what was going on with me, but I should have just held a damn press conference to get it all over with in one shot.

Anyway, I thought all was well with "Mariah" and Terry and figured I hadn't seen them because they were probably tucked away in the Champagne Room, hanging out. Not the case. My bouncer Jack* came to me and said that Terry had just text messaged the DJ to let him know they were going to do a 3rd hour. Text messaged my DJ? Text messaged him from where? WTF?

Apparently "Mariah" and Terry had slipped out of the building shortly after the initial transaction, almost 2 hours ago. My cashier saw them leave together but she's new enough in her position that she didn't think to let me know that one of my Entertainers had just left with a customer. I've ranted in a previous post about the ramifications of this, but suffice to say, "Mariah" had just entered the realm of possible prostitution and I was pissed. This is the actual text message I shot out to "Mariah" as soon as I found out she was gone;

"I'm not sure what you were thinking, honey, but you do not get paid in Chips for time spent outside this club. What you do on your own time is your business but tonight you were on my time. The Service Fee's and Chips have been voided and Terry's card will not be charged for any of your time. I suggest you get your ass back in this building right now, or don't bother ever coming back."

I was heated. I went behind the bar, voided all of the charges and took the Chips back to the safe. About 10 minutes later, in walks Terry and "Mariah", claiming they were in the parking lot "talking" the entire time. Yeah, okay, I forgot, I was born yesterday after all. I could not believe how unbelievably stupid she was. Wait, yes I could. I did not want to fire her, as we have an extremely big weekend coming up, so I told her she needed to speak with Greg*, our GM, before working again. I was not going to stand there and argue the point with her on how idiotic her actions were. This girl just threw away $900. Poof, it's gone. Terry would have been content to stay in the building and pay her to hang out with him, he's done it dozens of times with other girls. I don't blame him at all. The guys that come in are going to try to get away with as much as they possibly can, that's a fact, but I expect my girls to draw the line, because they know better. "Mariah" crossed the line and she knew it. I honestly don't know if she will still have her job at the end of the week but that's not my problem. As this conversation with her ended, I suddenly had bigger fish to fry, as one of my off-duty Entertainers began to pick a fight with a female customer sitting at the bar.

I was standing near the end of the bar, by the walk-way leading to our Lobby, when I noticed "Kim" shouting at a young woman sitting with an older gentleman at the bar. I could see that whatever the beef, it was rapidly escalating, so I told Jack*, my bouncer, to get Kim* out. It seemed that she was going to leave peacefully enough, however when she got up from her stool, she reached over and smacked the woman in the back of her head. This is when all hell broke loose.

The female customer jumped off her stool and went after "Kim". Jack went after "Kim" as Rick*, my other bouncer went to restrain the female customer. Rick was able to get her back to her stool without incident and she stayed there while "Kim" had suddenly transformed into a wild animal. She was kicking and punching Jack, screaming incoherently, while he was trying his best to restrain her in a bear hug from behind. She was backing up and punching like a dude! She even got a few licks in on a guy who was just trying to walk past them. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. Okay, maybe not the weirdest, but it was up there in KiKi's Wierdo Hall of Fame.

At one point, down they went to the floor, with Jack on top of her and I thought her head was going to crack wide open from the force of her noggin hitting the hard tile floor. As he got her back up, Rick grabbed her legs and they carried her out the door, kicking and screaming like a banshee the entire way. Once they got her outside, I told Jack to get back inside, as her violent outburst seemed to be directed primarily at him. Not the case. She then began kicking and punching Rick in the same dude-like fashion she had gone after Jack.

Of course by this time everyone was up in arms about the whole thing, worried that I had gotten injured in the melee, as I was right there, smack dab in the middle of it. I was on a cane, dammit, I could not get away with any speed whatsoever. I was not injured, thankfully and believe it or not, my crazy violent stripper "Heather" from a previous post, was trying to diffuse the whole thing. She ran outside once she determined that I was alright and tried to calm "Kim" down. It was not working out so well for her.

I made the decision that I had no choice but to call 911, as I was terrified "Kim" was going to seriously hurt herself or someone else. My cashier still had 911 dispatch on the phone, when another of my Entertainers came in to tell me that "Heather" had thrown "Kim" in her car and had taken off. Thank God. I did not want to see "Kim" go to jail even though she had clearly lost her damn mind. I was also thankful that no one had been seriously injured. My bouncer's vests were torn and their ego's bruised but other than that, they were A-OK.

The weirdness was saving itself up for me. "KiKi's Wild and Wacky Weekends" are back in full force.