Little Miss Know-it-All

The Christmas Season is upon us and I'm feeling like Scrooge. I have so much going on right now and none of it is very good. I've always thought of myself as a fairly positive person. I still am, however this season, this year, I wish I could just crawl under the covers and stay there until after the Holidays are over.

I won't go into all the gory little details but suffice to say, I'm a not-so-happy-camper these days. It's hard enough to have my own little dramas going on, but then when I am at work, the girls bring all their dramas to me. They are Emotional Vampires and some days they suck the life out of me. Especially this time of year.

In this business there is always money. Even when the economy is at it's worst. Guys come to The Strip Club to escape their lives, job, wives & girlfriends. They spend too much money and some spend money they don't even have. The girls that dance/tend bar/waitress have the ability to make cash hand over fist on a daily basis. Unfortunately, most are too young to handle it. They spend their money on free-loading men, alcohol and drugs. They just don't get it that they could be set for life if only they handled their lives and money with care.

It makes me sad.

Watching some of these girls waste their lives away in a downward spiral of drugs, alcohol and abusive men can be heart-breaking. I am able to distance myself emotionally to a certain extent but some days it really gets under my skin. I just want to shake them and say, "Open your eyes!! Look what you are doing to yourself!!" Young women are stubborn creatures, this I know. I once was one. I remember that feeling of invincibility and feeling that I knew everything. When someone would say to me, "Learn from my mistakes.", I would always think I was smarter....that I wasn't going to make any bone-head mistakes. Well, I was wrong, as most young women are. It's funny, the older I got, the more I realized that I wasn't nearly as smart as I thought I was.

So now I find myself telling young women to learn from my mistakes. Ha. I am face to face with the ghost of my former self.

I know I am rambling a bit. My mind is swirling with a multitude of moral dilemmas. Am I perpetuating an unhealthy lifestyle by working in this industry? Should I be trying harder to "save" these souls? There are some that I encourage to get out of this business....should I encourage ALL of them? I could go on and on with questions to myself and forever searching for the answers. I know there are a few that I have helped but it will never be enough.

On days like today, I just want to give up. Throw in the towel. Hand in my keys and walk away. But still, deep down, I know that I am right where I am supposed to be. The light is dim at the moment, but I know it's there. I just wish I could fast-forward to January. Everything is too raw this time of year.